Brenda S. Melton, PhD
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16 Ways to Improve Your Marriage

By Dr. Brenda S. Melton

Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart? Here are some ways you can make your partner feel appreciated again and prevent your relationship from becoming a casualty.

  1. Treat your partner as your partner. You are in this together.
  2. Express your thoughts carefully. Once spoken, it's "out there".
  3. Pay attention to your appearance. Get in shape and dress as well as you can afford.
  4. Compliment your partner often. "I really liked how you cleaned and organized the garage". "That dinner was terrific, let's have that more often."
  5. Be polite. When you make a request, say please, when you have something done for you, say thank you.
  6. When it is time for the evening meal together, be together. Do not allow television, or the paper, or the mail to intrude.
  7. When you ask your partner a question, make eye contact and listen, really listen, to the answer.
  8. Ask open-ended questions. This encourages your partner to open up and talk. Open ended questions begin like this: Tell me about…What do you think of…What was your experience…
  9. In your conversations, strike a balance between asking questions and making statements. If you tend to be the dominant one, ask more questions.
  10. Check your communication skills with your partner. Be aware of "I" versus "You" statements. "You" messages are damaging because they make your partner feel disrespected and talked-down to. Try to speak with "I" messages; there is no blame and you are taking responsibility for your statement.
  11. Hug when you say hello and goodbye. It feels good and makes you and your partner feel loved.
  12. Think about your partner's wants and needs and then work at providing them.
  13. Spend regular time together alone.
  14. Make a list of your partner's positive qualities. Share them and say why you think each is true.
  15. Don't whine.
  16. Pray together.

Following the wisdom contained in these 16 points will immediately and dramatically improve your relationship with your partner.